i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
