Me too!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
