Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
