I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
