if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
