How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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