YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
