my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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