I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
