I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
