youre lurking in front of me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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