I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
whose parrot is this?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
