my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and you said cock pushups were impossible
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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