I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
