That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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