Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
MIDGETS
????
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
