I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize