i don't like sucking hair
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
