How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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