I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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