the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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