Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
