I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
