She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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