I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize