A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I could fuck to npr.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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