It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
