I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
