Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
