So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
