Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
