i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
