for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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