I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
