So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
