i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
