Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
