i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
