Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
