she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it's great music for shaving your balls
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
