i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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