six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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