Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
