To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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