dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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