Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
