Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
