On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
