If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
