your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
