She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
