I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
