My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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