I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
