there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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