he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
