Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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