I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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