her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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