I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize