Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize