Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
